ALERT! GET WAVE3 A FAINTING COUCH! STAT!

Oh noes! Somebody get WAVE3 a fainting couch!

Lookit:

What happened to civil discourse? Why is our language so coarse now? We don’t have total control over our lot in life – but we do control how we conduct ourselves.

-SNIP-

Celebrate your candidate for President in the coming months without tearing down the other candidate.

-SNIP-

We offend no one when we aren’t profane.

Be sure not to use language that makes Ken Selvaggi’s delicate sensibilities twist up, shoo.

That’ll solve everybody’s problems.

Greg Fischer Apparently Thinks This Is High School

We’re not going to shut up about you giving to the Red Cross for tornado relief efforts. This will take a long time. [Click Here To Give]

Your fancy new police chief will address Metro Council’s Public Safety Committee today at 3:00 P.M. The meeting will be carried live on Metro TV/25. You may also stream it live. [Click Here]

Greg Fischer says he will “do the right thing” with travel expenses when he goes to the Final Four. Why would that even need to be mentioned? [WAVE3]

Death and disarray at America’s racetracks. You should probably read this horsey story. [NYT]

Meals on Wheels is a terrific organization that everybody should support if given the opportunity. But how the living shiz does Greg Fischer have time to pretend he’s delivering food? [FOX41]

Americans United for the Separation of Church and State is questioning the $2 million being spent on a road near the Ark Park Church Orgy Funtimes Pool Party Warehouse. [H-L]

Are you holding your breath that Jack Conway is paying attention to corrupt elected officials in Eastern Kentucky openly admitting to breaking the law in a serious manner? [Page One]

Yes, Dean Corbett is slightly full of himself. But that doesn’t make him a bad person. And his situation is the perfect reason local media outlets should calm the fuck down when it comes to jumping to immediate and wildly incorrect conclusions. [WHAS11]

Louisville’s terrific East Market district is getting all kinds of attention in Chicago these days. [Chicago Tribune]

A memorial in honor of Trayvon Martin will take place at Waterfront Park on Saturday. [WLKY]

On Thursday, April 5, at 6:00 P.M., Metro Council will address the firefighter settlement. They’ll be discussing whether or not Kentucky Retirement Systems, led by Fischer crony and Beshear apologist Tommy Elliott, is trying to pull the wool over Louisville’s eyes for a sweet $11 million wad of cash. If Jim King doesn’t sack up and chap a ton of ass, we can all go ahead and write him off as laughable. And it’s highly likely that he won’t. [Press Release]

Silver Trail Distillery, a Marshall County-based maker of legal “moonshine,” has joined the Kentucky Distillers’ Association, which primarily represents makers of bourbon. [Business First]

Locals supported Sexual Assault Awareness by wearing denim. Does this mean we support awareness nearly every single day because we all wear denim? Does it mean we support awareness more when wearing Sevens than when wearing Levi’s? [WFPL]

Little Parks Things Add Up To Big Parks Things

We’ve obviously been poking around Metro Parks lately.

And what have we discovered today?

Some fancy Marty Storch stuff from a local sports blog. Seems the assistant parks director is… well… you’ll see.

In an interview about a new first (golf) hole at Seneca, Storch claimed 12 large oak trees were moved to line the left side of the new first fairway:

“The first tee is farther from the road than it used to be. We’ve moved 12 large oak trees to line the left side of the fairway to catch road-bound shots. We plan to move more trees for more protection. And we also plan to put in a horse fence to define out-of-bounds.”

Unfortunately for Storch, no large oak tree was ever moved. And since that hole has been open? Dozens of people have been hit while walking on that path, according to Parks employees.

Seems Storch also lost his shiz a few weeks ago when we suggested he was helping his friend and golf pro Kevin Greenwell out with your taxpayer dollars. And guess what we found?

Don’t think the reconstruction at Seneca is solely facilitated by a need to make the course safer and more playable. Marty Storch said there was also “an excellent chance to increase revenue at the Park’s most played golf course every year.” That reconstruction will also include an expanded and relocated practice facility.

Seneca draws more players annually than any other Metro Parks course. However, the driving range currently faces three major problems that cut into range ball sales.

For one, the range is 400 yards from the clubhouse. Most players, despite their overblown aspirations to emulate their favorite T.V. pro, will not walk that far as part of their warm-up routine.

Secondly, the range is about as big as a U.S. Open fairway. It’s a problem for the Parks Course that hosts so many tournaments because of its central location. Currently flanked by the tenth and fourteenth holes, the range can’t accommodate more than ten players at a time.

Finally, Three-time Kentucky Section PGA Teaching Professional of the Year and Seneca Head Golf Professional Kevin Greenwell needs a practice facility on par with his nationally recognized teaching ability. Tucking Greenwell’s lessons 400 yards from the clubhouse is like displaying a billboard in the woods without an expressway in sight.

Greenwell said, “With a more inviting range, in a higher profile location, we could increase our driving range profits.” The changes to the practice facility have many local tournament coordinators excited.

What was that again, Marty, about not taking care of your friend, Kevin?

That bit about Parks reaping tons of revenue? We’ve discussed this in the past but Greenwell makes anywhere from $500 to $1,000 per week selling range balls in the summer months. Parks maybe pulls in ten percent and Greenwell pockets the rest. That driving range was built for his own personal benefit.

It’s as if Storch thinks conflict of interest – or the perception of such – is no big deal with tax dollars. Like that time he, sitting on the Kentucky Derby Festival board of directors, thought moving the million dollar hone-in-one qualifying contest from the Water Tower to Seneca wouldn’t raise eyebrows.

And people wonder why the Metro Parks whistleblower scandal is a hotter mess than it appears to be on the surface.

Mouth-Breathing Putrid, Thick Air In Hardin County

Ever wonder why more people move to Oldham County than they do Hardin County?

The Hardin County Republican Party, where State. Rep. Tim Moore presides, has taken mouth-breathing to a new level.

On Saturday, the local Party there had several suggestions for platform changes:

  • Remove all funding from the Department of Education
  • Remove all funding for the Environmental Protection Agency
  • Oppose abortion even in cases of incest and rape
  • Allow citizens to own any and all types of firearms, including howitzers and fifty caliber machine guns
  • Make English the official language of the United States of America

And they elected a new slate of officers who have never attended meetings or participated in the political process.

So not even common sense Republicans are involved at this point.

Sports Thing Overshadows, You Know, Everything

We’re not going to shut up about you giving to the Red Cross for tornado relief efforts. This will take a long time. [Click Here To Give]

Amazon has finally confirmed that it has plans to open a distribution center in Jeffersonville. A real slap in the face for Kentucky’s economy, honestly (thanks, Papaw Beshear and Greg Fischer). But that’s a ton of good news for people buying things on Amazon in the metro area. [C-J/AKN]

A Justice for Trayvon march was held in Louisville. About 100 people gathered at 7th and Muhammad Ali and marched to the federal courthouse. Naturally, some mouth-breathers are freaking out. [FOX41]

The Metro Parks whistleblower scandal is continuing to get hot. Retaliation from Greg Fischer’s administration is ongoing. It’s like these idiots think they can get away with anything they want. [The ‘Ville Voice]

About 100 people also gathered at the University of Louisville in a rally for justice in the Trayvon Martin case. This story is from WAVE3, so you know there are extra-special mouth-breathers freaking out. [WAVE3]

The special prosecutor in the Trayvon Martin case said that the Sanford Police Department asked the state attorney’s office for an arrest warrant to charge George Zimmerman early in the investigation, but the state’s attorney’s office decided to wait. [HuffPo]

Kentucky Power’s decision to stick with coal leads to a tense case. Guess we haven’t heard the last of this. [H-L]

How is Wilford Brimley not mentioned in this story by Claudia Coffey about diabetes testing at area Kroger locations? [WHAS11]

The world is close to reaching tipping points that will make it irreversibly hotter, making this decade critical in efforts to contain global warming, scientists warned on Monday. [Scientific American]

Here’s more on that massive cocaine bust story. More drugs coming in from Mexico than Kentucky can handle. But Frankfort is focused on issues that won’t even begin to solve the drug problem. [WLKY]

Did you hear? A sports thing is happening and everybody is freaking out over it. It is the most important thing to ever happen. Ever. [WFPL]

Way to go, Hardin County! So much class. Investigators say burglars broke into the home of a grieving widow in Hardin County during her husband’s funeral. [WLEX18]

Beshear Spent Some Minutes Talking About Sports

Papaw Beshear was on ESPN to talk about basketball:




It’s a shame he hasn’t taken the same amount of time to really build up Kentucky’s reputation nationally.

Or, you know, taken the time to do anything else.

Yes, we’re negative here. But this ball game isn’t going to do jack for Kentucky’s economy. Let’s get real.

And let’s not pretend that portion of the interview with Jurry Ay-brum-sin wasn’t woah awkward.

P.S. Greg Fischer spent probably half of his day preparing for a five-minute ESPN interview.