What Should Dougie Hawkins Do Next?

All right. You know how this works. But this time? Please keep it hilarious.

We all know Dougie Hawkins, proud protector of ignorance and Our White Women, has been put out on the curb by voters in the 25th Metro Council District.

So what should he do next? Move to a border state to protect everybody from the Messicans?

Maybe open a spray tan shop?


Let’s help him select a new career path with some terrific suggestions.

29 thoughts on “What Should Dougie Hawkins Do Next?

  1. I’m thinking “The Slick” using his super-powered hair pomade and diminutive size to slide into places no mere mortal can enter.

  2. “boarder patrol”

    This makes me picture someone forming a perimeter around a bed and breakfast to protect the boarders there.

  3. Hey, as irascible as he may be to many, his district e-newsletter has frequently been quite informative or very interesting (when not self-serving). I would never have known of a number of area events & concerns were it not for his missives, or at least not on a timely basis.
    Soooo, he should write an (objective) online community-wide newsletter highlighting crime, events, cautions, festivals, jobs, etc.

  4. Sorry, I forgot the “funny” requirement. Maybe he should be responsible for drawing the chalk outlines around deceased people & dead legislation.

  5. The Jake Payne-Doug Hawkins point-counterpoint political radio hour – think of the entertainment possibilities!

  6. One can make a handsome sum in the bullfighting industry these days. Or maybe he could open a car wash.

    If Doug lived anywhere else in this state, it is my firm belief he would have never been beaten. Ever.

    I think he will move to Somalia and get into sensitivity training.

  7. How about fashion consultant for America’s got talent?
    Bridge painter co-ordinator?
    head pastor of the “Me llamo Dougie” church for middle eastern refugees?

  8. Seriously, unless Hawkins moves back to the east end, he will probably take the next two years to put together a rematch against Perry Clark. And you know what Hawkins can do with a lot of time on his hands! (that’s the funny part)

  9. Dougie can make sure the South End doesn’t blow up by hiring on to guard the firecrackers LMPD will be storing overnight in that new bunker out there.

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